Green eyes. Red lips. Jack Daniels. Body modification. Recovery process. Activation complete.
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high school teacher: yeah i have a 4 year degree so you can call me Mr. Whatshisname and if you call me Frank that's disrespectful I'll give you detention for a week

college professor: hi i've got my Ph.D., i spent 10 years doing research, i have 7 patents and 26 published papers, and i was nationally recognized for my work. but you can call me Kim if you want.

theclericsdiary:

charlottelabouff:

wonderfulhighschoollife:

Whenever someone refers to the gay community as “queer folk” I imagine us all like woodland sprites, we are the queer folk community, we are born of flowers and fairy dust, we are destroying the sanctity of marriages and corrupting children

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miss-nerdgasmz:

I WANT A TRUE HORROR MOVIE WHERE ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE INTELLIGENT AND DO ALL THE RIGHT THINGS AND TAKE ALL THE PROPER PRECAUTIONS BUT STILL WIND UP GETTING KILLED BY THE ANTAGONIST

NOTHING IS SCARIER THAN DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN IN VAIN AND STARING IN THE FACE OF FUTILITY
(plus I would like not to yell at the characters for being dumb for once)

lemurfemur:

psyducked:

there are about 15 chickens clucking mysteriously in my front yard and I want to know what they are plotting 

Something fowl.

ewelock:

dean-tacos-cas:

spookapple:

jackvessalius:

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look what we have here

i have legitimately never laughed harder and for as long in my entire life

I sat here until my eyes glazed over and then was thinking ‘this is so dumb its just three wells’ and then

lizthefangirl:

when you re-read a book and realize you skipped over an important sentence the first time you read it

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